The past few weeks have been unusual for me, at least as far as the quality of my experience goes. I have felt remarkably un-competitive. Not non-competitive, since that is the opposite of being competitive, which doesn't seem like the right description. "Indifferent" may be the best word. If someone insults me, I don't get obsessed with revenge, or feel indignant. Rather, I think, "Well, sometimes I'm a loser. Sometimes I'm foolish and unintelligent," etc. All without anger and with acceptance. But when someone praises me I think that sometimes I do get it right. I look people in the eye, but calmly, indifferently. I don't mind when the weekend is over, and I don't get anxious about the week. I'm not ashamed to say I don't know the answer, but i'm not proud of it either (as if to be proud of my honesty). The onset was sudden, as if a day came and shackles were removed. But it's not black-and-white either. I can imagine it being cultivated to become more intense. That's what it's like.
My main point, however, is how certainly different the quality of my experience has been. I used to believe, "You are who you are." The best you can do is learn to cope. That doesn't seem true anymore. I don't think I've been fooled here, or persueded by wishful thinking; what I've described is genuine. My description of it may be totally wrong, but I am certain my experience is changed. The experience seems unlimitedly powerful, even though it hasn't been there continuously. I have had definite moments of relapse throughout all of this. I felt ambivalent about writing this record of it, and I think I've said enough.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Fasting
So far today I've eaten a handful of berries and one-third of a banana, but I've had plenty to drink. Other than that, I've been conserving energy by staying in bed, and I'm having a wonderful time indifferently listening to music, thinking and daydreaming. The short story is that I am physically comfortable and am otherwise pleased, content, nostalgic, grateful, lucid and serene. (Well...Compared to what's normal for me, anyway.) It's no surprise then that I think it's good to spend a day like this periodically.
There's more to the story. A few years ago, I spent a day like this hoping to hasten my recovery from the flu, and it did seem to work. Moreover, once recovered, there was a period during which I felt more energetic and healthy than before the illness.
There's more to the story. A few years ago, I spent a day like this hoping to hasten my recovery from the flu, and it did seem to work. Moreover, once recovered, there was a period during which I felt more energetic and healthy than before the illness.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
I have created a version of progressive muscle relaxation that works for me. But, first, some background. Over the past year or so muscle tension in my face, jaw and neck has become worse. The muscle tension is uncomfortable on its own. But there's more. Here are some other symptoms that seem to be caused by muscle tension: low quality sleep, dull migraine-like headaches that are continuous for days, feeling like I just got off a roller coaster, neck pain, feeling unfocused and detached from my environment, dizziness and unsteadiness. Right or wrong, I believe that all or most of this is due to almost constant muscle tension. There has been scientific observation that progressive muscle relaxation and breathing exercises are good treatment for muscle tension, anxiety (and its symptoms?), headaches and neck pain, fatigue, and some other conditions. I have learned and tried the method of progressive muscle relaxation and breathing exercises, but neither have ever worked for me. In fact, breathing exercises make it worse: each inhalation is almost always directly tied to a further painful constriction of the already present muscle tension in my head and face. It just makes it worse. Progressive muscle relaxation doesn't make things better or worse. Until now.
The traditional method of progressive muscle relaxation is to first consider a particular muscle or muscle group, such as the forehead, eye lids,lips, jaw, etc. You would then tense the muscle very tightly, hold the tension for 5 seconds or so, and then abruptly release and relax it. After release, really appreciate the difference in the experience between tension and relaxation. Those are the common instructions, now I'll speculate a little. I suppose the reason for the procedure is to teach yourself to notice overlooked muscle tension. You can't relax muscles that you don't know are tense; but you can relax a muscle that has been intentionally tensed. And if the release is abrupt, the difference between tension and relaxation can be more easily noticed.
As I mentioned, this method has never solved any of my problems. But I have stumbled upon a modification of it that does work very well. For me the key is to tense the muscle just to the point of being noticeably tensed. This is much different than tensing very tightly. As far as muscles in the head and face are concerned, this allows me to easily focus on just one muscle group at a time. Furthermore, this barely noticeable tensing followed by abrupt relaxation allows me to sequentially relax the muscle group further and further to the feeling of complete comfort (or lack of tension). I may spend 5 minutes or so gradually "stepping down" the tension on just one group. I'll usually follow that with some time just observing the relaxed state. This seems to work very well: I was able to achieve relief and comfort after the first session, and I woke up the next day feeling remarkable different and better than recent mornings. My explanation is that over-tension the muscle make it much harder to perceive and relax the muscle tension that was already present. Tensing just barley enough to exceed the muscle tension that was already present gives me a much better perception.
This may be one of the most boring blog posts ever. But the discovery is worth it to me since it seems to have caused the first non-pharmaceutical relief in my muscle tension and associated problems ever: No headache, neck pain, detachment from reality, unsteadiness, and I've had better sleep. These symptoms have been so pervasive and unpleasant, especially over the past few months. It's a big discovery if progressive muscle relaxation continues to work.
The traditional method of progressive muscle relaxation is to first consider a particular muscle or muscle group, such as the forehead, eye lids,lips, jaw, etc. You would then tense the muscle very tightly, hold the tension for 5 seconds or so, and then abruptly release and relax it. After release, really appreciate the difference in the experience between tension and relaxation. Those are the common instructions, now I'll speculate a little. I suppose the reason for the procedure is to teach yourself to notice overlooked muscle tension. You can't relax muscles that you don't know are tense; but you can relax a muscle that has been intentionally tensed. And if the release is abrupt, the difference between tension and relaxation can be more easily noticed.
As I mentioned, this method has never solved any of my problems. But I have stumbled upon a modification of it that does work very well. For me the key is to tense the muscle just to the point of being noticeably tensed. This is much different than tensing very tightly. As far as muscles in the head and face are concerned, this allows me to easily focus on just one muscle group at a time. Furthermore, this barely noticeable tensing followed by abrupt relaxation allows me to sequentially relax the muscle group further and further to the feeling of complete comfort (or lack of tension). I may spend 5 minutes or so gradually "stepping down" the tension on just one group. I'll usually follow that with some time just observing the relaxed state. This seems to work very well: I was able to achieve relief and comfort after the first session, and I woke up the next day feeling remarkable different and better than recent mornings. My explanation is that over-tension the muscle make it much harder to perceive and relax the muscle tension that was already present. Tensing just barley enough to exceed the muscle tension that was already present gives me a much better perception.
This may be one of the most boring blog posts ever. But the discovery is worth it to me since it seems to have caused the first non-pharmaceutical relief in my muscle tension and associated problems ever: No headache, neck pain, detachment from reality, unsteadiness, and I've had better sleep. These symptoms have been so pervasive and unpleasant, especially over the past few months. It's a big discovery if progressive muscle relaxation continues to work.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Today's Observations
We all want to be more like the dude, but the truth is we are all a lot more like Walter.
The story Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer delivers the important message to children to always be kind to others, since you never know if they might someday become of use to you.
The story Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer delivers the important message to children to always be kind to others, since you never know if they might someday become of use to you.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Seasonal Illness
Christmas break has begun and I feel lousy. Furthermore, I think I have felt similar to this during December and January of previous years. I have no records of this, but my memory tells me so. In any case, it started last week Monday 12/12 with malaise and some upper repertory symptoms (dry, scratchy throat, runny nose, sneezing, watery eyes) and as of this Monday 12/19 it all seems to have convalesced into a sinus infection. The sign is obvious: abundant, distinctly yellow and think mucus. I can flush it out, but it soon comes back. I saw the doctor today who diagnosed a sinus infection. I started antibiotics today. It is also noteworthy that I have been taken astragalus (non-standardized) and reishi (standardized) since Thursday 12/15. I wonder if I'd be the same or worse if I had not been taking them? Still, I think I will try to supplement in the future hoping to avoid seasonal illnesses. I want to try it and see if it works. Even before this current illness, I did have several occasions during the semester of what seemed like a mild cold and malaise. Olivia and Neil were also often sick this fall.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Obvious fact: home remedies and many other things are sometimes dangerous.
Below is an article I recently found. I have many times over the years irrigated my sinuses with warm tap water. In fact, I have had a cold for the past week and have done so on several occasions. But not anymore. The truth is I find it to be completely effective for flushing out thick and stubborn congestion as well as being comforting to the interior of the nose. My new practice is this: boil 8 ounces of water and pour into a cup with one-fourth teaspoon of salt. Then I leave a thermometer in and check on it periodically until the temperature falls to 110 to 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Then irrigate.
What follows are excerpts from the article from http://www.dailymail.co.uk.
Louisiana's state health department issued a warning about neti pots - which look like mini watering cans, that are used by pouring salty water through one nostril. It follows two recent deaths - a 51-year-old woman and a 20-year-old man from the 'brain-eating amoeba' Naegleria fowleri.
Both victims are thought to have used tap water, instead of distilled or sterilised water as recommended by the manufacturers. Dr Raoult Ratard, Louisiana State Epidemiologist, said: 'If you are irrigating, flushing, or rinsing your sinuses, for example, by using a neti pot, use distilled, sterile or previously boiled water to make up the irrigation solution.
'Tap water is safe for drinking, but not for irrigating your nose.'
The very rare infection typically occurs when people go swimming or diving in warm freshwater lakes and rivers.
In very rare instances, health experts said such infections may also occur when contaminated water from other sources, such as from an inadequately chlorinated swimming pool or when people irrigate their sinuses with devices like neti pots.
What follows are excerpts from the article from http://www.dailymail.co.uk.
Louisiana's state health department issued a warning about neti pots - which look like mini watering cans, that are used by pouring salty water through one nostril. It follows two recent deaths - a 51-year-old woman and a 20-year-old man from the 'brain-eating amoeba' Naegleria fowleri.
Both victims are thought to have used tap water, instead of distilled or sterilised water as recommended by the manufacturers. Dr Raoult Ratard, Louisiana State Epidemiologist, said: 'If you are irrigating, flushing, or rinsing your sinuses, for example, by using a neti pot, use distilled, sterile or previously boiled water to make up the irrigation solution.
'Tap water is safe for drinking, but not for irrigating your nose.'
The very rare infection typically occurs when people go swimming or diving in warm freshwater lakes and rivers.
In very rare instances, health experts said such infections may also occur when contaminated water from other sources, such as from an inadequately chlorinated swimming pool or when people irrigate their sinuses with devices like neti pots.
Monday, December 12, 2011
On being practically useless
I have gradually come to the realization over the past year or so that I am practically useless. Actually, I guess It all started soon after I graduated from college. I have bachelor's degrees in philosophy and mathematics, and a master's degree in mathematics. After finally finishing the master's degree I became disappointed in the realization that I couldn't repair or build or design anything in spite of all my years in school. You might think that my education still counted for something, but I'm also embarrassed to say that at that time I couldn't have given a good answer to why math or philosophy might be considered important. I even made very good grades, and I graduated with highest honors. But I did not cheat in college; I learned how to give the right answers on assignments without really learning why it was important.
Moving on. So recently I have started to become interested in a topic of real economics. Now, "real economics" is my own term, but I can quickly define it as my thoughts on the real values of things and on how to best make a living in this world. The basis of real economics for me are the assumptions that there is no free lunch in this world and wealth comes only from hard work. I have changed my thinking from a retirement plan that relies on living off saved money and investments to one that also involves discovering ways to work productively and happily for longer. Money is also a frequent topic for me. Isn't it true that money only has value in it that it is a great facilitator of trade between people. I think that most people could be forced to admit that physical money is worthless. I suppose that money could be exchanged for a somewhat perennial something to be used as a store of wealth, such as metal or land or fuel. Typically, my labor will directly command only money. If I grow food in my garden, as I often do, my labor has actual wealth as its direct product. The same thing is true when I repair my car. Now, it might seem that I'm wanting to revert back to a more primitive life in which I live off the land and barter for what I don't have. But that's not the case. The case I'm making is that I don't want to be ignorant of what real wealth and labor are.
I hope you can see why the proceeding paragraph is relevant to my original topic of being practically useless. Lately, I have been more seriously considering improving myself in this way. I guess you could call it a back-up plan. Another reason for my motivation is that it has caused me to lack fulfillment to spend so much of my time involved in impractical activity.
So, there are degrees of skill that I could pursue, some being more primitive than the rest. Learning to live off the land would be at one extreme. Skills such as accounting or computer programming are at the other. In the middle I see subjects such as electronics and car repair. The next question is whether to go to school or not, but I'll have to think about that another time.
Moving on. So recently I have started to become interested in a topic of real economics. Now, "real economics" is my own term, but I can quickly define it as my thoughts on the real values of things and on how to best make a living in this world. The basis of real economics for me are the assumptions that there is no free lunch in this world and wealth comes only from hard work. I have changed my thinking from a retirement plan that relies on living off saved money and investments to one that also involves discovering ways to work productively and happily for longer. Money is also a frequent topic for me. Isn't it true that money only has value in it that it is a great facilitator of trade between people. I think that most people could be forced to admit that physical money is worthless. I suppose that money could be exchanged for a somewhat perennial something to be used as a store of wealth, such as metal or land or fuel. Typically, my labor will directly command only money. If I grow food in my garden, as I often do, my labor has actual wealth as its direct product. The same thing is true when I repair my car. Now, it might seem that I'm wanting to revert back to a more primitive life in which I live off the land and barter for what I don't have. But that's not the case. The case I'm making is that I don't want to be ignorant of what real wealth and labor are.
I hope you can see why the proceeding paragraph is relevant to my original topic of being practically useless. Lately, I have been more seriously considering improving myself in this way. I guess you could call it a back-up plan. Another reason for my motivation is that it has caused me to lack fulfillment to spend so much of my time involved in impractical activity.
So, there are degrees of skill that I could pursue, some being more primitive than the rest. Learning to live off the land would be at one extreme. Skills such as accounting or computer programming are at the other. In the middle I see subjects such as electronics and car repair. The next question is whether to go to school or not, but I'll have to think about that another time.
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