relaxation

Today I have felt a little restless. I didn't really feel like doing anything, so I didn't, but then I wasn't entirely happy to be so lazy. As is typical for me, I almost never enjoy doing nothing due to feeling the drive of chores or ambition. Certain prescription drugs will allow me to enjoy doing nothing, but that's about it.

I guess that's what I really wanted today: to be a little bit high, to be lazy AND enjoy it. I tried to do a little meditation instead. I don't really have any interesting beliefs about meditation, but I do believe it helps some people relax. More and more, I believe that it will not work for me, maybe because I don't practice enough or give up too easy. But it may not be working because I want it to work.

Let me explain. You might conclude that wanting it to work would be a good thing because it would entail having some motivation. But I'm considering that being motivated is what impedes the process. You see, if I take a pill, I can relax. And if I'm motivated, then I can walk 5 miles to take get that pill. But how do you "just relax?" Being motivated or ambitious is in opposition to the state of mind that I'm talking about. The more motivated or desiring I am of it, the further I get from my goal. But those are the only tools in my toolkit, so it seems there is really no way for me to do it.

This is a big ordeal for me. The setting can be perfect for relaxation, but it makes no difference for me. I can be outside witnessing wonderful scenery, with nothing pressing to do. Here's what I do INSTEAD of relax: I will doubt that I am fully appreciating the scenery; I will wonder about how some artist perceives it and start feeling deficient about it; I will start thinking about how my accomplishments are so thin, and I question that I should be spending time doing nothing anyway. Now, this wouldn't seem remarkable at all, but the right pill has showed me that there is another very different way to be. With the right pill, I have seen that there is perfection in doing nothing. There is something very different that's left behind when all ambition, doubt, craving, etc., is taken awayBut I'm afraid that the pill is the only way for me to experience it.

kWh

Well, it's been an exciting evening. I decided to do some math about our electricity use here at the house. At 9:20 PM the electricity meter read 25711 kWh (which is suppose is a cumulative number). Later, at 10:42 PM it read 25720 kWh. So, we used 9 kWhs of electricity in 82 minutes. This is equivalent to 6.59 kWh of energy used per hour.

Now, here's how money enters the picture. We pay about $0.15 per kWh. So, that's about $0.99 of energy used per hour, or about $670 per month. If that sounds high, it's because it is. I'm expecting to pay less than half of that this month. So, why is it so high? Consider what was going on tonight during the time I measured energy use: the thermostat was only at 78, but both the washer and dryer were running the entire time. Must have been that, but I'm planning to check the meter tomorrow morning to calculate the average rate of energy use overnight, for comparison.

Unusual DIY Project.

Here is an unusual DIY project: the self haircut. Two days ago, out of nowhere, I became convinced I could give myself a good haircut. I'm not surprised that my mind wandered into this: going to get a haircut has always been a nuisance for me (there's the scheduling, the time, the money, etc.). Anyway, after some time spent thinking about it, the whole process made sense and seemed so easy. I already own scissors, electric clippers, and an assortment of guards, like what a barber would use. So, I found a few videos on the internet and did some reading. That same night, I gave myself a haircut, with some help from Darcy. It's as good as any haircut I've ever paid for. As long as I don't wait to long between cuts, it will be easy to do again. And that's one thing I like about it: I used to get haircuts every 6 weeks or so, but I always thought that I needed some touch up after 2 or 3 weeks. Now, it's all easy and convenient to do.